i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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