Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
