hotel room ftw
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
