your room smells of hookers.
And success
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
