You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
