Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize