in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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