a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We need to get me chipped asap
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
