Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
