just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
