I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
