i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
