I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
