I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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