Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
