90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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