About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
