i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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