So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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