Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
