id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
