They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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