could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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