dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
worst night to have a conscience
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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