i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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