hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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