Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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