The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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