Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was like eating out sand paper
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
