dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
