she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
