he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
