based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize