I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
