My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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