Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
