This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
