i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
