someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
