do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
