I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
