She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
vagina is talking i cant
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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