i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
