I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
