How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
