I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
