someone threw a dead crab at me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
