I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
cat food counts as protein by the way
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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