i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you never un-have a 4some
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
