I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
