just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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