This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
