She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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