why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
