got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
