Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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