We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
