My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
