Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Couch. On fire.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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