capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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