I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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