Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have tasted many bathrooms
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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