don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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