I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize