is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
