So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
