I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
