tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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