I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
